Unlocked! Grant High School Exchange Program Episode 1: High School Musical

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What’s up fellow teens? To tide you over while Sam is on vacation, we’ve decided to unlock our very first Grant High School Exchange Program. Sit back and relax as we take you singing and dancing through the halls of East High in Small Town Albuquerque. We’re talking about mostly diegetic musiCALs, faked basketball shots, Troy’s Metal Gear Mission, and ending up in a refrigerator. This week, we totally PUNK’d you!

Episode 101: Coach Wattpad

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Friends, welcome back to The Podcast That Thanked Brenda Too Many Times. Ashley may have escaped from the show, but we don’t have that luxury. We are here to discuss S05E04, “Lies and Byes”, a rare Title title from this show. Ashley’s gone forever and nobody really seems to care! Fair enough! We have bigger fish to fry I guess, between Ben’s arson, and Ben’s accusation. It’s fine. Ben did nothing wrong, for once. This week, it turns out Eugene is still around. He’s just hiding behind the green screen.

Sam | Jordan

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Episode 100: Mr. Mersetti

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100 episodes?! What were we thinking?! We’re joined by friend of the show Sara to celebrate our one hundredth weekly mistake, which in this case is watching S05E03, “I Do and I Don’t”. Lots of very special things happen this week! We say goodbye to some old friends, say hello to some new profanity, and welcome back Bruno Mars for a reprise. This week, I AM MAD AT RICKY AGAIN. Episode!

Sam | Jordan | Sara

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Episode 99: This episode is straight boomer, yo!

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Supernatural fans, get the shotguns! It’s S05E02, “Shotgun”, another episode where very little actually happens! We can’t remember what Dylan’s mom’s name is so we just say some words. If at any point during this episode, you’re not sure what we’re talking about? We’re probably talking about Dylan’s mom, Pumpkin Spice Latte. This week, fluff time’s over. See you next week for a good one!

Sam | Jordan

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Episode 98: Darius Quadriceps

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Four seasons down, but content never sleeps! Our nightmare continues with S05E01, “To Begin With…” and boy! We sure couldn’t hear each other for most of this episode! It’s perhaps our connectionissuesiest episode yet, but we somehow managed to discuss this entire episode. What was it about? Looks like… [checks notes] mostly milk? This week, the milk was a great idea. Thank you as always to the God of Television!

Sam | Jordan

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Episode 97: Brenda Hampton Has No Rights

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We did it! Four seasons complete! That’s a whole year of television, which is when a show ends. But first, we have to talk about S04E24, “Love Is Love”. What if, last episode, but with more overt homophobia? Fortunately, Producer Lauren is here to enjoy it with us, except for the part where Sam had to physically restrain her because she was getting too mad. This week, Ricky and George aren’t the worst characters. How fun for us!

Sam | Jordan | Lauren

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Episode 96: Just Something for the Fellas II: Keith’s Revenge

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Ah! Hm! Hello! This episode. This episode is S04E23, the cryptically-titled “4SNP”, and it’s, ah! Hmm! What do you say about this episode? What do you say about the episode that had fanforum.com Secret Life subforum users saying in the livewatch thread that they were dropping the show? The episode with a close-up shot of [REDACTED]? This week, the dialogue really is that bad. Sorry!

Sam | Jordan

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Episode 95: Schrödinger’s Chekhov

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We missed a week because Jordan liked the show so much it made him very sick, but we’re back to talk about S04E22, “The Text Best Thing”! That’s right: it’s the texting episode! Brenda’s kids have been texting at the dinner table, and she’s not happy about it! This week, HELLO MRS. HAMPTON THIS IS SAM AND JORDAN, CAN WE SPEAK TO KEITH TRUESDELL? (I hope all of our listeners have seen Bye Bye Birdie!)

Sam | Jordan

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16 – Emotional Support Zombie

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So, while Fallon is unavailable, Roy and sworn brother of the show Jordan examined the ongoing MDZS/Unilever™ Wall’s™ Cornetto™™™ cross-campaign as well as the trailers for season 2…and then within 28 hours of recording, season 2 dropped. So this probably confirms that promoting capitalism is what it takes to bring about Content. Thanks, Tencent! Until versions of the episodes in a language we can actually understand come out, enjoy an hour and a half of speculation, specialty Iced Creams, and secondhand embarrassment!

Intro: Carly Rae Jepsen – I Really Like You, arr. & perf. by Olivia Lin
Outro: Scott Joplin – The Entertainer; arr. by Cynthia Hsiang, perf. by Sound of China Guzheng Ensemble

Noisespace | Tumblr | Discord | Twitter | Fallon | Roy

Episode 94: What, Me Marry?

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You know, sometimes writing these descriptions is a real struggle. What is there to say every week when the plot of every single episode these days is just “Amy is bad, and Ricky is a handsome genius”? It’s S04E21, “Allies”, and it certainly is an episode of Secret Life. Between the mandatory Amy hate and Omar’s, uh, heel turn??? there’s not a whole lot of good things to talk about, but at least George is hilarious as always! This week, we love Game of Scrones. You’ll get ’em next time, Keith!

Sam | Jordan

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