Well, here we are! It’s S03E26, “…Or Not to Be”, and this episode needs a content warning: this is the stillbirth episode. We will not be getting into any of the miserable details, but Brenda certainly did not hesitate to give them to us, complete with one of the most shameless music choices we’ve ever heard in a TV show! But hey, it’s not all bad: there’s also some fat shaming for comic relief! Wait, never mind. This week, it’s all bad. I’m sure season 4 will be better!
Hello! Join us this week as we talk about the presidential announcements from Officer Kamala Harris and Overlord Howard Schultz, DHS entrapment, Jussie Smollett, The Dirty Man Of Mike Rowe, Jeff F*ck, and probably some other stuff
The Taxpayers – Evil Men
Utada Hikaru – Sanctuary
Teens, put your phones away! It’s S03E25, “To Be…”, and your hands are for rice now! Ben and Adrian are married now, and that’s just where the show is at. Who cares about that, though, when you could care about interesting things like, what if Anne, was, in a relationship, with, that guy? What if Camille, who we know, was dating George, because, ? What, if Jack and Madisions, where dating, and w, e liked it? What fif, ew’and RBrenada ahd idaieos for tenens wasys fof liefe/? What igvfbu there aws Draama, an dv\wso rRuckiy had to aget a newww byedd.j? This week, I couldn’t possibly care about any of this. Sorry!
Hey, teens! Put down the peyote – this Juergen’ It episode can be enjoyed all on the natch! It’s S03E24, “It’s Not Over ‘Til It’s Over”! It’s wedding time, and it’s drama time! And George is here, and he’s ready to bone down, and Anne is getting married to a bowl of polenta, or something? That can’t be right. Sorry, my notes are all smudged because I was weeping tears of joy from the beautiful Bruno Mars wedding montage. This week, Jordan has to wake up. That’s it, alright?
Good news, sort of! It’s S03E23, “Round II”, and it’s not a merciless onslaught of negativity like the last episode! Are any of these Nice scenes earned? No, not really, but at least this episode doesn’t kill you when you watch it – despite Ashley’s best efforts! This week, the Brenda Hampton Apology Tour is coming to take you away. Thanks, Henry!
What is there to say this week? It’s S03E22, “Loose Lips”, and we’ve got a new Worst Episode So Far. We’re joined by friend of the show Val to talk about, surprise, Ben being awful! This week, we’re sorry we brought a guest into this. As always, we wish you love, peace, and SOUL TRAIN!
Bezos is filing for divorce? Folks, he should be filing his taxes! Join Sam, Patrick, Sara and Josh as they discuss the bipartisan agreement to be weird about AOC, the President saying “build my own wall or get poisoned, no government this year.” (paraphrased), and more as 2019 continues to shape up as a normal one. Fuck! We didn’t make a joke about “Josh”ua Tree.
Evil Men – The Taxpayers
U2 – Where The Streets Have No Name
Welcome to 2019! For our first Juerg of the year, we’re watching S03E21, “Young at Heart”! And folks, when the title is relevant to the episode, you know it’s gonna be a bad one! Some very questionable relationships on display here but wait actually never mind Brenda says it’s good, actually. What a relief! Could’ve sworn that was illegal but I guess not. This week, we’re seeing Sexmother live in concert. Don’t Bing it!
Hey, teens! It’s S03E20, “Moving In and Out”, and we’re getting to the bottom of things this week. Whose show is this? Who’s writing what? Who’s in charge of the music? Join us as we dive deeper into the production rabbit hole than ever before, which is still not very deep but it’s still deeper than ever before. It’s a new era of Juergen’ It: the era where we check who writes each episode! This week, it’s Paul’s world and we’re just living in it. See you next week, Brenda!
(Check our YouTube channel for a clip of the blatant retcon in the Previously On!)
Ten years ago, the network formerly known as ABC Family allowed 7th Heaven creator Brenda Hampton to make a terrible teen drama that they inexplicably allowed to run for five seasons. Now, two brothers, the grizzled veteran Sam and the series newcomer Jordan, have made it their mission to shine a light on this garbage TV show and look at it more closely than the writers would have ever hoped anyone would.
Theme song: “Let’s Do It, Let’s Fall in Love” by Cole Porter, performed by Joan Jett and Paul Westerberg
Show art by Beelzeboob
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