Episode Fifty-Six: Some Houses Go, But Again, Not Particularly Fast


No controllers on this podcast! Only human beings who love the human character Rachel. She is strong, she is real, and she is our friend. It’s Animorphs book 37, The Weakness, and we’re considerably more excited about Visser 3’s fantastically strong ex-boyfriend energy than any of the actual plot. Rachel’s the boss now and we’re the Supernatural of podcasts, I guess.

In addition to other people named Rachel, we discuss: Hubris: The Book, Essay Filler, I Have To Live With Me ALL THE TIME, Houses Are The Slowest Thing That We make, Golf Ball Murder, Red Lights Georg, Oh! My Hubris, and Negged By Amazon

Episode Fifty-Four: Because Of Her Tendency To Commit Treason Immediately


In the longest episode yet, we somehow stay completely on-topic. In our defense, there’s a lot going on. It’s a seasonally appropriate Animorphs special today as we discuss the book Visser. No, not the monologuing himbo; the other one. Oh shit.

In addition to… huh. No, seriously, this is just us talking about purely the book for almost an hour and a half.

Referenced media: You made this? I made this.

Episode Fifty-Three: Some People Irony Poison To Cope


Cancel culture is when six teenagers with alien technology come together to try to get you to freak out over some cockroaches in your salad. Sometimes, the natural state of two lifebeings interacting is fear. These are just quotes from Blair I really loved that were too long to make the episode title. I’m writing this at a bar because as I ordered a beer, I realised I hadn’t finished editing the episode, so I did it in the corner. Like a cool kid! The things I do for you. Anyway, book, I guess. I’m over it! Animorphs book 35: The Proposal. It’s a palindrome of the episode number! Fuuuun!!!!!!!

In addition to Marco’s mental state, we discuss: Dopamine Machine Please, Poodles Have Genetic Bows, Caring About The Earth Was Starting To Become A Fad (But Not Enough Of A Fad), I Wanna Watch TV With That Dad, It’s Comforting To Know Humanity Has Always Been Broken, and The Cool Adult Who’s In On Things

Referenced media: David Tennant with a ponytail, and again, Michael Grant’s andalite drawing from the series bible, white taxidermy monkey meme

Episode Fifty-Two: Motherfuckers Going To The Moon In A Paper Airplane

We read Animorphs book 34, The Prophecy. That’s all I’m writing about the episode this week, cuz I’m tired. Take that, George Lucas!
In addition to loving body sharing tropes, we espouse opinions on: Doggie Video Is Here To Stay, I Have To Fight My Adult Son, Ships Look Like Species, and What If Your Hometown Lake Was Polluted With Fascist Space Colonisers

Episode Fifty-One: Humans Have The Capacity To Create New Snacks; Dogs Are Beholden To The Snacks Available To Them

One of us is knocked out with the flu, so it’s up to the remaining two to try not to get knocked out by Feelings. Someone please SOS (Save Our Son). It’s Animorphs book 33, The Illusion, and it’s time to settle once and for all whether dogs have a food culture.
In addition to bemoaning the trauma of a bird boy, we discuss: Goo Goo Dolls Sounds Like Morphing Noises, What Does It Feel Like To Have A Human Brain, Metaphorically Drinking Soda Through Life, School Dances, CAPTURED ON PURPOSE!!!, Only One Of Us Can Be Spartacus, Cousins You’d Go To War With, and The Capacity For Snacks

Episode Fifty: Orange Julius Is The Illuminati


If you see a less caffeinated version of this episode walking around, let us know so we can join forces. Until then, let me introduce you to the evil (?) twin: a full hour of someone audibly using a fidget spinner kicked off by someone else saying “Teens Lit AF”. It’s Animorphs book 32, The Separation, and the hosts are… of two minds about it. Bwomp bwooooomp

In addition to a truly iconic cover, we discuss: I’ve Become Superhuman For Finding Fucking Ingredients, Rachel’s Astrological Chart, Orange Julius Androids, and Gut Check

Referenced media: We Fooled The Internet w/ Fake Justin Bieber Photo, Mystify Your Mind screensaver

Episode Forty-Nine: Beatrix Potter Characters Don’t Real; Cryptids Might Real

It’s a sleepy pod, baby! Cuddle on in for some relaxing bedtime discussion of Animorphs book thirty-one, The Conspiracy. Note: in this case, we assume that you prefer your lullabies to be full of children experiencing trauma.
In addition to parents constantly being in peril, we discuss: 2b28, Ow My Baby Hand, Tiger Tiddies, Transgenderism Is Lit, and Beatrix Potter Knows Something We Don’t Know

Episode Forty-Eight: We Should Talk About Something That’s Not Rivers

This is not a Frozen podcast… or is it? Whatever; it’s gay children with dead parents, magic powers, and tons of trauma from top to bottom as we tackle Animorphs book thirty, The Reunion. Do you wanna break a Yeerk pool? C’mon let’s go and play~!
In addition to loving Marco with our whole hearts, we also discuss: Marco’s Modern Memes, TobIphone S, I Hate The Sploots So Much, If Elevators Were Vacuums Would Everyone Be Better At Parkour, Most Iconic Rivers To Throw Yourself Into, and Laser Noises Are Not Threatening

Episode Forty-Seven: I’d Like To Go On Record As Saying George Washington Is Not My Daddy


It’s about that TIME to figure out if you can keep a SECRET. Elfangor’s secret! In honour of this episode being shorter than usual, so is the amount of effort I’m going to spend on this description. If you hate it so much, why not go kill my goddamn grandpa so I’m never even ON this podcast? Fuck you. The book is MegaMorphs Three: Elfangor’s Secret. I said it already! Up top!! Whatever. I’m the version of me from the bad timeline where you killed my grandpa’s neighbour who was just in there trying to water my grandpa’s plants and that’s why I’m sooo rude. Meet me in the construction zone beside the mall where all the technology is buried and fight me to the death if it bothers you so much. I will NOT be giving you superpowers. Only super glowers. From glaring at you rudely. I’m using “I” instead of “we” but you’ll never know who it is! Maybe I’m your secret space dad!!!!! Fight all of us!!!!!!!!!!!! I dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In addition to sort of just deciding this isn’t even really an Animorphs book, we discuss: Prozzäk, “Need A Band-Aid, Babe?” But Unironically, Did Harriet Jones Utilise Girl Power When She Did A Genocide?

Further reading: The story of Simon and Milo

Episode Forty-Six: Okay, I’m Going To Do A Naruto

Just because someone is absolutely one hundred percent guaranteed by the stars to kill one of your co-hosts is no reason not to stan. It’s a Cassie book, which means a lot of fumbling through trying to process the philosophical core of the Animorphs series. Also, eels! Join three people who have grown so ancient & wizened that they can no longer handle your standard iced tea to discuss this sweet treat of a book, number 29, The Sickness. Ooh ah ah ah.
In addition to moral complexity of alien species, we discuss: No Jokes 2K19, Licensed Fast Food Toys, and A Homestuck Tangent