Episode Forty-One: DNA Is Literally Stored In The Balls


After a month sailing the far-reaching seas of the Chronicles, we’re returning to the main series and, thank goodness, the main drive of this entire show: rap battle brackets. Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms melting into the form of wings, oh god, oh god, the noise of it. The crunching and churning. Oh god, oh god. It’s book 24 The Suspicion, and the kids are on a mission. We use our full cognition to determine their positions in the… aforementioned bracket. Listen, if anything rhymed with “Animorphs”, I would have gone there first,

In addition to breezing slap-happily over some 60s-ass aliens, we discuss A Grilled Cheese Devastation, Orsonwatch, Shrink Story Biases, We Know How Blair Feels About Whales, A Snow Globe Inside An Asylum Inside Of A Dream, Seerow Is An Uncle To Us All, You Have To Understand Satah That’s Not Real Science, and Here’s The Thing

Episode Forty: Modern Sci-fi Is All Dystopia Teens


Sit down with me, little bird, & let me tell you a story about how a series about the horrors of war somehow becomes even warrier & more horrific. It’s The Hork-Bajir Chronicles, and it’s just upsetting. Let’s get real sad about it!

If you need a pick-me-up, think about the last episode and check out this amazing canon image of a canon event. Remember how fun that was???

In addition to being generally kinda bummered about, like, war & stuff, we discussed: Yeerk Sexual Dimorphism, Cry Button Songs, Esplin, Turns Out The Yeerks Suck, Never Be Punctual Or You Might Get Killed In Front Of Your Kid, Esplin, “I Replaced Some Of The Lyrics To No Children With ‘Wakka Wakka’”, Bird Insurance (For Birds), and Esplin

Episode Thirty Nine: Rivals-To-Lovers Or Animorphs Is Dead To Me


We janked up the timeline by skipping books and we’re getting picked off of the show one-by-one as we accidentally unborn ourselves in our attempts to go back and fix the error. Uh-oh! With The Andalite Chronicles, we’re hopping all the way back to before the story even began, now with the baggage of loving these children way too much.

In addition to loving Andalites so goddamn much, we discuss: Improvised Burlesque Floor Routines, Are There Literally Any Andalite Women?, Ax Would Eat A Cat, Andalite Culture Is: Being Kind Of A Dumbass, Do Andalites Purr?, Andalites Better Purr, There Are No Yeerk Civilians, and Andalite Scratching Posts

Episode Thirty Eight: It’s Cool Being Tobias Isn’t It


By the grayse of gawd, Blair and Satah are here to discuss Animorphs book 23, The Pretender. What’s family? What’s morality? How does a hawk deal with CTPSD & clinical depression? How do we adopt & protect him, please, like please,???

In addition to Tobias’ general angst, we discuss Experimental Podcast Loops, Listen Let’s Talk About Wills, Traumababy, Ax Is Only A Little Boy, The Gentlest “Shut The Fuck Up”, Animorphs Open Mic Night, Humans R Just Animals With Philosophy, and The Protagonist Degree

Episode Thirty Seven: We’re All Just Animals That Are Eating Off The Ground


Bill Clinton is in your D&D campaign. Bill Clinton is in your house. We’re talking about book twenty-two, The Solution, but more importantly, we’re uncovering the secret that TRPG makers everywhere don’t want you to know.

In addition to QBC (quiet bill clinton), we discuss Grocery Pranks, Blair’s Online Legacy, Sara Gets A Pop Filter, What We Were Allowed To Watch, & A New Front Bottoms Lyric, but Mostly QBC

The Wonder Yeerks

The Wonder Yeerks is a podcast where we rewatch/reread Animorphs! Press your hand to the Escafil and let’s go!

Episode Thirty Six: These Children Do Not Watch David Letterman


After an epidemic of laptop foibles, we’re back to discuss book twenty-one, The Threat. Some of us are certainly having our patience threatened by a certain newcomer to the series. Who has opinions about birds? Who has opinions about what instruments the children would play? WHO is the DAVID of this PODCAST???

In addition to a detailed list of seagull grievances, we discuss: This Podcast Is Just Hereditary, Wawa Taxes, Chuck & Stevenen: Gamer Boyz, You Can’t Press Charges Against A Bird, A Sad Version of The Onceler, You Know When You Kick So Hard You Explode

Episode Thirty Five: Boy Who Is Tube


Have you ever been sitting near a pool and thought that the game of Marco Polo just had too many words involved? Blair and Satah have you covered as they spend about an hour mostly saying “Marco!!” at each other in various tones of worry and affection. It’s book twenty, The Discovery, and the new kid either sucks, or just isn’t dealing well with being conscripted into a war that will determine the fate of his entire planet. WHATEVER, DAVID. IT’S ANIMORPHS.

In addition to being pretty travel-loopy, we discuss Marco’s DIY Fashion, Egregious Theory, Who Eats The Fry, Tablets Are Old Man Technology, Let Jake Say Fuck, WATCH CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND, and Oops! All Trauma

Episode Thirty Four: A Karen Named Karen


It’s time to cry about Cassie and the general concept of cats. Two of us read The Departure, but one only read the Wikipedia article for leopards. You won’t believe which one is which. Number 19 changed my life. Gone sexual?!?!?!

In addition to Cassie’s anhedonia, we discuss Rachel Queer Eyeing Tobias, Ruthlessness, A Royalty AU, In This House We Are All Gay, Garold Is Charlie Kelly, and Goober Yeerk Buddy Cop

Episode Thirty Three: It Makes Me Happy… And Sad


Broccoli is alien and there are, unfortunately, no therapists in the Cretaceous Age. This week, we’re talking about poorly-done comet foreshadowing and goodly-done character moments in Megamorphs 2: In The Time Of Dinosaurs. Animorphs, uhhh, finds a way. Thanks. Thank you. In addition to horrifically enormous lizards, and begging for an adult to take care of these children, we discuss: Group Chat Pix, Dinosaurs Fall Out Of My Brain, Wariocats, Byford Basin Diving Incident (Humans Are Just Made Of Meat), Andalites Are Needlessly Dramatic With Their Toys’R’Us, Big Weird Birds, Fambly!!!, Egg Standards, Drink Preferences, I Wanna Party With The Animorphs, ROCK LEE? Rock Lee? We Talkin’ About Rock Lee???, A Pitch For Kapplegate, #brocspons