Episode Fifty-Five: Put Ya Dick in Some Wires


Whew! That was a real tough battle, but Sara managed to get out of Canada alive! Unfortunately, we had to leave Satah behind for a little bit to fend off the oncoming Yeerk horde. Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll be fine. In the meantime, we took a trip down to not-exactly-Atlantis to take a look at some Beegees, according to Rachel. It’s The Mutation!

In addition to Shorts Season, Johnny Two Brains, Porn Laptop, Mob Psycho Animorphs AU, Double Depression, Closed-System Reproduction, and Everybody Knows Paprika’s Fucked.

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Episode Fifty-Four: Because Of Her Tendency To Commit Treason Immediately


In the longest episode yet, we somehow stay completely on-topic. In our defense, there’s a lot going on. It’s a seasonally appropriate Animorphs special today as we discuss the book Visser. No, not the monologuing himbo; the other one. Oh shit.

In addition to… huh. No, seriously, this is just us talking about purely the book for almost an hour and a half.

Referenced media: You made this? I made this.

Episode Fifty-Three: Some People Irony Poison To Cope


Cancel culture is when six teenagers with alien technology come together to try to get you to freak out over some cockroaches in your salad. Sometimes, the natural state of two lifebeings interacting is fear. These are just quotes from Blair I really loved that were too long to make the episode title. I’m writing this at a bar because as I ordered a beer, I realised I hadn’t finished editing the episode, so I did it in the corner. Like a cool kid! The things I do for you. Anyway, book, I guess. I’m over it! Animorphs book 35: The Proposal. It’s a palindrome of the episode number! Fuuuun!!!!!!!

In addition to Marco’s mental state, we discuss: Dopamine Machine Please, Poodles Have Genetic Bows, Caring About The Earth Was Starting To Become A Fad (But Not Enough Of A Fad), I Wanna Watch TV With That Dad, It’s Comforting To Know Humanity Has Always Been Broken, and The Cool Adult Who’s In On Things

Referenced media: David Tennant with a ponytail, and again, Michael Grant’s andalite drawing from the series bible, white taxidermy monkey meme

Episode Fifty-Two: Motherfuckers Going To The Moon In A Paper Airplane

We read Animorphs book 34, The Prophecy. That’s all I’m writing about the episode this week, cuz I’m tired. Take that, George Lucas!
In addition to loving body sharing tropes, we espouse opinions on: Doggie Video Is Here To Stay, I Have To Fight My Adult Son, Ships Look Like Species, and What If Your Hometown Lake Was Polluted With Fascist Space Colonisers

Episode Fifty-One: Humans Have The Capacity To Create New Snacks; Dogs Are Beholden To The Snacks Available To Them

One of us is knocked out with the flu, so it’s up to the remaining two to try not to get knocked out by Feelings. Someone please SOS (Save Our Son). It’s Animorphs book 33, The Illusion, and it’s time to settle once and for all whether dogs have a food culture.
In addition to bemoaning the trauma of a bird boy, we discuss: Goo Goo Dolls Sounds Like Morphing Noises, What Does It Feel Like To Have A Human Brain, Metaphorically Drinking Soda Through Life, School Dances, CAPTURED ON PURPOSE!!!, Only One Of Us Can Be Spartacus, Cousins You’d Go To War With, and The Capacity For Snacks

Episode Fifty: Orange Julius Is The Illuminati


If you see a less caffeinated version of this episode walking around, let us know so we can join forces. Until then, let me introduce you to the evil (?) twin: a full hour of someone audibly using a fidget spinner kicked off by someone else saying “Teens Lit AF”. It’s Animorphs book 32, The Separation, and the hosts are… of two minds about it. Bwomp bwooooomp

In addition to a truly iconic cover, we discuss: I’ve Become Superhuman For Finding Fucking Ingredients, Rachel’s Astrological Chart, Orange Julius Androids, and Gut Check

Referenced media: We Fooled The Internet w/ Fake Justin Bieber Photo, Mystify Your Mind screensaver

Episode Forty-Nine: Beatrix Potter Characters Don’t Real; Cryptids Might Real

It’s a sleepy pod, baby! Cuddle on in for some relaxing bedtime discussion of Animorphs book thirty-one, The Conspiracy. Note: in this case, we assume that you prefer your lullabies to be full of children experiencing trauma.
In addition to parents constantly being in peril, we discuss: 2b28, Ow My Baby Hand, Tiger Tiddies, Transgenderism Is Lit, and Beatrix Potter Knows Something We Don’t Know

Episode Forty-Eight: We Should Talk About Something That’s Not Rivers

This is not a Frozen podcast… or is it? Whatever; it’s gay children with dead parents, magic powers, and tons of trauma from top to bottom as we tackle Animorphs book thirty, The Reunion. Do you wanna break a Yeerk pool? C’mon let’s go and play~!
In addition to loving Marco with our whole hearts, we also discuss: Marco’s Modern Memes, TobIphone S, I Hate The Sploots So Much, If Elevators Were Vacuums Would Everyone Be Better At Parkour, Most Iconic Rivers To Throw Yourself Into, and Laser Noises Are Not Threatening

EPISODE 132: Mom & Dad


It’s time to get together and watch Blair ride off into the sunset, and we’re sending him off in the only way we know how – with some Nic Cage wild bullshit! It’s time for an infanticidal rampage, as we tackle Mom & Dad! C’mon along as we find out just what it means to be heterosexual!

In addition to this war on children, we also discussed Kitty Korner, Gamers Corner, Mean English Teachers, Skateboarder Birth, The Cancellation of Talls, and Being Nic Malkovich!

The Adventure Zone: Amnesty
Auralnauts’s Star Wars series

Thanks as always to people you meet outside of bars for their excellent intro/outro music! Check out their stuff on gaygothvibes.online!

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EPISODE 131: The Nun


Well, hey, I know we’re not great about putting the Patreon polls up on time, but did we really deserve this? Because y’all made us watch The Nun and I hate to be a debbie downer, but man, this movie was a rough one y’all! Thanks for picking it!

In addition to this fucking nightmare, we also discussed Tidiness, Late Lore Creation, Cinema Sins But Like Real Sins, Christ Blood, and Hellchurch!

Season 3 of Serial

Thanks as always to people you meet outside of bars for their excellent intro/outro music! Check them out at gaygothvibes.online!

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