Episode Fifty: Orange Julius Is The Illuminati


If you see a less caffeinated version of this episode walking around, let us know so we can join forces. Until then, let me introduce you to the evil (?) twin: a full hour of someone audibly using a fidget spinner kicked off by someone else saying “Teens Lit AF”. It’s Animorphs book 32, The Separation, and the hosts are… of two minds about it. Bwomp bwooooomp

In addition to a truly iconic cover, we discuss: I’ve Become Superhuman For Finding Fucking Ingredients, Rachel’s Astrological Chart, Orange Julius Androids, and Gut Check

Referenced media: We Fooled The Internet w/ Fake Justin Bieber Photo, Mystify Your Mind screensaver

Episode Forty-Nine: Beatrix Potter Characters Don’t Real; Cryptids Might Real

It’s a sleepy pod, baby! Cuddle on in for some relaxing bedtime discussion of Animorphs book thirty-one, The Conspiracy. Note: in this case, we assume that you prefer your lullabies to be full of children experiencing trauma.
In addition to parents constantly being in peril, we discuss: 2b28, Ow My Baby Hand, Tiger Tiddies, Transgenderism Is Lit, and Beatrix Potter Knows Something We Don’t Know

Episode Forty-Eight: We Should Talk About Something That’s Not Rivers

This is not a Frozen podcast… or is it? Whatever; it’s gay children with dead parents, magic powers, and tons of trauma from top to bottom as we tackle Animorphs book thirty, The Reunion. Do you wanna break a Yeerk pool? C’mon let’s go and play~!
In addition to loving Marco with our whole hearts, we also discuss: Marco’s Modern Memes, TobIphone S, I Hate The Sploots So Much, If Elevators Were Vacuums Would Everyone Be Better At Parkour, Most Iconic Rivers To Throw Yourself Into, and Laser Noises Are Not Threatening

EPISODE 132: Mom & Dad


It’s time to get together and watch Blair ride off into the sunset, and we’re sending him off in the only way we know how – with some Nic Cage wild bullshit! It’s time for an infanticidal rampage, as we tackle Mom & Dad! C’mon along as we find out just what it means to be heterosexual!

In addition to this war on children, we also discussed Kitty Korner, Gamers Corner, Mean English Teachers, Skateboarder Birth, The Cancellation of Talls, and Being Nic Malkovich!

The Adventure Zone: Amnesty
Auralnauts’s Star Wars series

Thanks as always to people you meet outside of bars for their excellent intro/outro music! Check out their stuff on gaygothvibes.online!

Subscribe to us on Patreon!

EPISODE 131: The Nun


Well, hey, I know we’re not great about putting the Patreon polls up on time, but did we really deserve this? Because y’all made us watch The Nun and I hate to be a debbie downer, but man, this movie was a rough one y’all! Thanks for picking it!

In addition to this fucking nightmare, we also discussed Tidiness, Late Lore Creation, Cinema Sins But Like Real Sins, Christ Blood, and Hellchurch!

Season 3 of Serial

Thanks as always to people you meet outside of bars for their excellent intro/outro music! Check them out at gaygothvibes.online!

Support us on Patreon!

Episode Forty-Seven: I’d Like To Go On Record As Saying George Washington Is Not My Daddy


It’s about that TIME to figure out if you can keep a SECRET. Elfangor’s secret! In honour of this episode being shorter than usual, so is the amount of effort I’m going to spend on this description. If you hate it so much, why not go kill my goddamn grandpa so I’m never even ON this podcast? Fuck you. The book is MegaMorphs Three: Elfangor’s Secret. I said it already! Up top!! Whatever. I’m the version of me from the bad timeline where you killed my grandpa’s neighbour who was just in there trying to water my grandpa’s plants and that’s why I’m sooo rude. Meet me in the construction zone beside the mall where all the technology is buried and fight me to the death if it bothers you so much. I will NOT be giving you superpowers. Only super glowers. From glaring at you rudely. I’m using “I” instead of “we” but you’ll never know who it is! Maybe I’m your secret space dad!!!!! Fight all of us!!!!!!!!!!!! I dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In addition to sort of just deciding this isn’t even really an Animorphs book, we discuss: Prozzäk, “Need A Band-Aid, Babe?” But Unironically, Did Harriet Jones Utilise Girl Power When She Did A Genocide?

Further reading: The story of Simon and Milo

EPISODE 130: Annihilation


Step into the Shimmer with your hosts this week as we discuss last year’s Annihilation! We slowly hybridize our DNA with our surroundings as we talk, but stick around to see what happens anyway! Topics include: Red, Mad, and Nude about Bundy, Oscar Chat, Blair Become God?, Gemini Shaming, Best Screaming Bear, and Worms!

Silver Spoon
Small Town Dicks

Thank you to Satah for our intro and outro music! You can find more of their work at gaygothvibes.online!

EPISODE 129: Truth or Dare?


We dare you to listen to this episode! And Blair has a truth to tell you! And also, we made a whoopsie: we watched different movies named Truth or Dare, so join us as we swap stories about two very similar yet wildly different movies with the same name! We also dare you to tell us your dad’s name. C’mon. Hand it over.

In addition to fucking vibes, we also discussed Earballs, Film Whoopsies, Making Trollface, Tyler Posey’s Ball Meat, and A Cursed T-Shirt!

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime
The Teacher’s Pet

Thanks as always to people you meet outside of bars for our excellent intro/outro music! Check out their music at gaygothvibes.online!

Support us on Patreon!

Episode Forty-Six: Okay, I’m Going To Do A Naruto

Just because someone is absolutely one hundred percent guaranteed by the stars to kill one of your co-hosts is no reason not to stan. It’s a Cassie book, which means a lot of fumbling through trying to process the philosophical core of the Animorphs series. Also, eels! Join three people who have grown so ancient & wizened that they can no longer handle your standard iced tea to discuss this sweet treat of a book, number 29, The Sickness. Ooh ah ah ah.
In addition to moral complexity of alien species, we discuss: No Jokes 2K19, Licensed Fast Food Toys, and A Homestuck Tangent

Episode Forty-Five: Wait. You Guys. Andalite Vampires Would Kick You


A heart-wrenching book about animal experimentation and factory farming somehow results in an episode that gets randy’n’rowdy by the middle of the intro. Don’t ask us how, but the energy just goes up from there. It’s Animorphs book 28, The Experiment, and we’re asking the tough questions: what if literally no-one can read???

In addition to having perhaps too-high expectations of the philosophical centre of a children’s book, we discuss: We Don’t Know The Upper Bounds Of How Many Hands Visser 3 Has, One Single Framed Photo Of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, Selfish Extreme Home Makeover Host, Desperate Housewives Is Actually Good, Riverdale Tangent

Referenced media: Fluffy Ax drawing, little brown bird!!!, the history of traffic lights