Sam

Teens, I hope you have your funny fake Nevada IDs, because it’s cognac season! We’re here to talk about S04E04, “One Foot Out the Door”! Another bad one! Thank god! Paul Perlove is at it again, and we really hate to see it. This man hates Amy and Adrian so much! And Grace too, I think? And people with depression? And, uh, people who do nails? Paul, you need to chill. This week, Jordan just will not stop doing his taxes. April 15th, don’t forget!Sam | JordanTwitter | Tumblr | Patreon | Discord | YouTube

HEY! I’M TYPING THIS ENTIRE DESCRIPTION IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THIS EPISODE OF SECRET LIFE, S04E02, “ANOTHER ONE OPENS”, IS SO INCREDIBLY SUBTLE THAT I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU CAN FOLLOW WHAT’S GOING ON HERE! BRENDA HAMPTON IS REALLY FLEXING HER WRITING MUSCLES THIS WEEK, AND WE LOVE TO SEE IT! BUT DON’T WORRY, YOUR FAVORITE CANNING BOYS ARE HERE TO GUIDE YOU THROUGH THE DEEP SUBTEXT. THIS WEEK, IMAGINE JORDAN SAID SOMETHING FUNNY AGAIN. GOODBYE, GRANDMA!SAM | JORDANTWITTER | TUMBLR | PATREON | DISCORD | YOUTUBE

We’re back! The Canning boys are so thrilled to return to our normal scheduled Juergen’ It with S04E01, “When One Door Closes”! Is it good? No. Is it watchable? Yes! You can watch it – as long as your screen is in front of you, where screens go! Things are still a bit of a bummer from the season 3 finale, but the writing is… competent, and we’ll take it! It’s all pretty tolerable, aside from the stuff with Ruben. And Ashley. And Leo. And Kathleen. This week, we’re finally going back to the church scene. Don’t forget to tweet!Sam…

Hey! We’re still recovering from the season 3 finale, so here’s a fun trip down memory lane. This week, we’ll be reminiscing about some of the bonkers things that have happened on this ridiculous show. Next week, we see what season 4 has in store for us! “Yay!”Sam | JordanTwitter | Tumblr | Patreon | Discord | YouTube

We may have finally gotten the Just Say Me episode of Juergen’ It done, but we are by no means finished with that episode of Secret Life! This week, we begin our new Patreon series, the Circlejuerg, in which we will continue watching and discussing Just Say Me once a week, every week, until the patrons let us stop. For as low as $1 a month, you can get access to the Circlejuerg, as well as all of our bonus content up to this point: Secret Life audio commentaries, our full reading series of the Secret Diary of Ashley Juergens,…

It’s finally here! The long-awaited redo of our lost episode – S02E16, “Just Say Me”! This is the episode where everyone is masturbating! That’s all you need to know, so for the rest of this description, enjoy the episode titles we didn’t use, because it was tough to pick just one this week! If you don’t like it, feel free to mentally swap it out for one of the following:1. Deep in Bad Ricky 2. Paddling the Top Canoe 3. Ashley Targaryen, Gender Centrist 4. Petition to Fix the Two and a Half Men Theme Song 5. Hands Race 6.…

Well, here we are! It’s S03E26, “…Or Not to Be”, and this episode needs a content warning: this is the stillbirth episode. We will not be getting into any of the miserable details, but Brenda certainly did not hesitate to give them to us, complete with one of the most shameless music choices we’ve ever heard in a TV show! But hey, it’s not all bad: there’s also some fat shaming for comic relief! Wait, never mind. This week, it’s all bad. I’m sure season 4 will be better!Sam | JordanTwitter | Tumblr | Patreon | Discord | YouTube