Can someone, for the love of god, get these kids some therapy? Jake had a living, thinking being die in his head and now the fucking eye of Sauron is visiting him in his dreams. It’s book twenty-six, The Attack, and they don’t even get to enjoy the touring stage production of The Lion King that came to their school before the Ellimist sends them off to play team deathmatch for the fate of a species. Also, Erek is here! Or, at least, he was; there’s a wall standing in his place now.

In addition to hyping up the transformative power of love, we also offered some opinions on Let Cassie Say Fuck, Biggest Death Metal Scream, Jake Pulls Rank, Rock Facts!, Satah crying at a spoon, the great new owl meme, and Blair’s Shipping Ph.D!