Zero to Zero

What's up, wig watchers? It's time for a movie that's been hanging over this podcast for a long time: 2015's Fantastic Four, AKA Fant4stic! It's a more interesting movie than any of us expected, although that does not mean it's good! Victor Von Doom has his highest ever APM (accents per minute) but will it be enough to defeat the Fantastic Four? We'll find out eventually, when they exist! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Well, we knew it was coming! This week, we're starting Blade: Trinity and the rumors were true. Folks, it's not as good! Wesley Snipes clearly doesn't want to be here, and Sam clearly doesn't want Ryan Reynolds to be here. We've got an ill-defined group of villains digging up an ill-defined bigger villain, so thank goodness for Wikipedia to help us out there. Eh, it's fine. As long as nothing happens to Whistler, the movie can't be that bad! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

We were warned about the ending of Rise of the Silver Surfer, but nothing could have prepared us for just how terrible it is! Why are the Fantastic Four such a terrible team? Good thing Galactus wasn't in this movie, because they'd have had a real hard time dealing with him! Hey, where'd Doctor Doom go? The ocean? Well, bye, I guess! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Movies are back! We finished Blade II, and it was basically good again! After a somewhat boring second act that was mostly guns and swords, we finally get what we come to Blade for: intrigue, character arcs (alive to exploded), badāsse one-liners, and guns and swords. Let's dive into the blood pool together and be rejuvenated. Bring some tissues and razor blades just in case! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

We're back for more Rise of the Silver Surfer, and the misogyny is getting worse and worse! Did they literally forget that Sue is a scientist? Can she contribute anything to the story besides being Reed's hot girlfriend? Well, maybe after the Wedding of the Century, she'll finally become Reed's hot wife. That's right, it didn't even happen and it's still the only thing the news wants to talk about! Also, the world is ending! Whatever! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

We're back in Blade II this week, and it's an action-heavy second act! Almost everything that happens in this viewing is one of two long action sequences, and we're not entirely thrilled with it. It's still a better woman than Catmovie, as they say, but it's not as good as Blade, as they also say. On the bright side, we're intrigued about the intrigue, so hopefully the third act will be good! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

It's time for the movie of the century! We're starting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. So far, it's got all the worst qualities of Fantastic Four, with none of the charm! Our precious Stan Lee is here, of course, but they threw him off the roof for confusing reasons! Jeez! They can't let us have anything. Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

This week, we debut our new names as we begin watching Blade II. It's a ridiculous movie full of blood cocaine and guns, and no, I didn't forget a comma there! Hey, I bet Blade would really like the Silver Surfer! That guy could fly through all the vampires and kill them instantly. I wonder if he would be a good fit for the Bloodpack? I guess we'll find out next week! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

Hey, look at us finishing movies two weeks in a row like a normal movie-watching podcast! Never mind how long ago we started them! This week, we finished watching Fantastic Four. A lot happens in the third act. Victor von Doom becomes Doctor Doom. The Thing becomes Ben Grimm. The Human Torch becomes [editor's note: fill in his character arc here when you remember what it was]. Most importantly, Mister Fantastic finally becomes Wolverine. We always knew he had it in him! Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost

It took two full months, but we have finished Blade at last! It's an unsurprisingly great third act, complete with some extremely cool one-liners and more blood than you could possibly drink. The final battle was with the villain of the movie! Imagine that! They just don't make 'em like this anymore, folks. Good thing there's two more where that came from! People like both of them, right? Sam | Val | Gigalithic Twitter | Cohost