Prime Cuts

This week a rift in space opened up and gave us a glimpse of another world; one where Transformers Energon had good, normal animation instead of the stiff and stunted style we have grown tragically used to. Why is it that the only time they break out the traditional animation is when a character is in extreme agony? Is it because that's how we feel given a glimpse of a better world? Why are we still getting flashbacks to fucking Padlock so long after his death? Why was there a fucking clip show that summarized the events of the episode…

After a few weeks of nothing happening, a few things actually happened in these episodes! Unicron gets his new gamer colors to sell his new toy to the kiddies, Shockblast develops Sudden Betrayal Syndrome, Optimus does some bits from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Unicron tears open a very large, very suggestive looking rip in space. Isn't it crazy that we aren't even halfway through this shit?? Noise Space | Discord

(Wing Dagger picks up Padlock's head): Alas, poor Padlock! I knew him, Hot Shot: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his alt mode a thousand times and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hangs that faceplate I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the cell block on a roar? Not one now, to mark your own dying badly? Quite chap-fallen. Now get thee to Primus'…

You know, perhaps your esteemed hosts were a bit too hard on Kicker; his father is a scientist with seemingly no moral limits who gleefully endangered his child to get some shiny rocks, his surrogate robot father is a cold and callous commander willing to let one of his soldiers fly into the heart of enemy territory with no backup, his partner is kind of a credulous dumbass who always manages to get himself into situations, and his girlfriend is mean to him. I'd be kinda testy too if I was him. Oh also these episodes have a lot of…

We aren't even halfway through this show and the wheels have already fallen off. Characters are getting shoved into new bodies left and right, we've completely left any meaningful setting behind in favor of space adventures, and the dub has gotten so bad its barely coherent and only vaguely follows the visuals that happen on screen. But theres good news! We still have over 30 episodes left! Wait that's not good news at all... Noise Space | Discord

After an extended break, we're back to wallow in the misery of Transformers Energon. Though these episodes have a little bit more going on than the others we've covered, make no mistake; it WILL get worse. We discuss Misha's dubious archeological knowledge, continue to add to Dr. Jones' rap sheet, celebrate that Alpha Q finally has a face that doesn't have the most annoying voice in the world, and lose our minds just a little bit more. Noise Space | Discord

We, the Podcasting Court, enter the following charges against Doctor Brian Jones into the record; wildly reckless child endangerment (two counts), cringe fatherly behavior (15 counts), sexual harassment of a Government official (1 count), uncreative naming convention for Cybertron Cities (5 counts), absolutely dogshit haircut (ongoing(. We also have reason to believe that he is somehow responsible for the english dub leaving out the main source of conflict in the first episode we covered this week, but we cannot properly prove it. As a result, we are sentencing Doctor Brian Jones to 5 months in Megatron's Torture Nexus. Noise Space…

Heyyyy, Megatron is back! And he doesn't look terrible! Does that mean these episodes of Energon were good, or even tolerable? No! Hot Shot nearly gets killed and takes a bath, we learn some racist Omnicon lore, Alpha Q drags Starscream's ghost out to sell more toys and kill Optimus Prime, Kicker continues to kick people, and we investigate the Transformers Energon AO3 tag. Now then, heres your complimentary Megatron Sword for listening to this episode. We've got loads of these things so we're just giving them away. Noise Space | Discord

Energon marches on!! Hey, you remember Megatron's Iconic Sword right? He was using that thing aaaall the tiiiime in Armada! God, so many memories. The dub was mostly normal this week but something really bad happened to episode 3 and they removed all the drama and character from it. Demolishor remains the only brave soul attempting to have a character arc amidst a sea of static. Kicker fell in a hole. We don't really understand how there's so much of this show but we're going ahead anyways, regardless of the consequences! Noise Space | Discord

The next few months of this podcast are going to be challenging for your hosts, as they plunge headfirst in what is widely regarded as the worst Transformers TV show that wasn't on machinima.com. A dreadful dub, deeply annoying characters, hideous animation, and nonsense plotting are conspiring to drive us mad. Will they succeed? Well considering this is only the first episode of Transformers Energon and we're already losing our minds by the end of this podcast, things don't bode well. #NotMyIronhide #TheJerkerrrr Noise Space | Discord