Jordan

I guess that large adult bully really did some serious damage to Ben’s brain, because he’s… arguably the best character for this episode? What? Okay. This week we’re talking about S01E11, “Just Say No”! It’s… fine! I guess! Besides everything with Adrian’s dad and everything with Ricky and everything with Alice and everything with Jack, it’s fine. Gricky becomes canon, Adrian’s dad becomes Ruben, and Lauren just keeps getting worse. This week, Ricky learns how to do a cartwheel. Hold on to your promise rings!Sam – https://positive-stress.tumblr.com/ Jordan – https://twitter.com/BradypusRexAlso we’re on Patreon now!!!! https://www.patreon.com/juergenit

Our longest episode yet! It’s S01E09, “Slice of Life”, and it’s pizza time in Secret Life City, baybee! Lots of stuff happens in this one, actually. It’s the least worst episode we’ve had in a while! What a treat! This episode is like the pineapple on the Secret Life pizza. The pizza would arguably be better without it, but at least it’s something that goes on a pizza sometimes. The rest of the pizza toppings are like… orange slices and peppermints. George starts spinning yet another web of lies BECAUSE WHY NOT, Adrian is sad, Lauren’s character gets assassinated, and…

You know, last week’s episode made me think that maybe Secret Life had figured out how to come up with episode titles that are relevant to the episode itself. Guess not! This week we’re talking about S01E08, “Your Cheatin’ Heart”! Sure, why not? This was an action-packed episode, believe it or not! Lots of stuff happens. Adrian gets to work on having a storyline that doesn’t involve sex or desks, George invents a new form of advertisement, Ben embarks on a vision quest… and Ashley is here too! This week, we thoroughly fail the Bechdel test. Please don’t call security…

I hope you all like truancy, because this week we’re talking about S01E07, “Absent”! If this were an episode of Friends, it would be called “The One Where Nobody Goes to School”. Single Delicious Counchelor Marc Molina would be losing his mind, if he existed for this episode. Hey, we finally made it, everyone! It’s seven episodes in and the character arcs are starting! Ricky is beginning his journey toward being the only likable character on the show and Adrian finally meets her first friend! Also, she hangs out with Grace for a minute. This week, Leo kills Sam. Well,…

Fill your pitchers with water, open the lid on the coffee maker, pour the water in, close the lid, reopen the lid, add your filter, close the lid again, walk to the fridge, grab your coffee, open the bag, grab a scoop, measure out some coffee grounds, open the lid again, put the coffee in, reseal the bag, close the lid, and press “brew”, folks… then throw the coffee down the drain because you won’t need it! This week we’re talking about S01E06 – “Love for Sale”! Who needs Wikihow to learn how to make coffee when you have this…

Buckle up, because this week we’re talking about S01E04, “Caught”, and it’s bad! Like, really bad. I think I’ve referred to every episode as “the worst episode so far” and boy does this one ever fail to break the streak. Get ready for some shirtless [adults portraying] teenagers because there’s a lot of them! You’d think Single Delicious Counchelor Marc Molina would have something to say about all of this but I have no idea where he is. I sent him an email but he hasn’t responded. This week, the Sausage King defends his throne from the interloper Amy Juergens.…

I hope you’ve got your Juergen’ It branded barf bags ready, because we’re talking about S01E03, “I Feel Sick”! Watch in horror as Ben reveals his kinks. Listen in horror as Ricky weaves a web of lies for no discernable reason! Smell in horror as Amy vomits on a carousel! Shake your head in disapproval as we criticize the show for constantly repeating an unfunny joke about “King Bowman”, and then proceed to call him King Ham for the entire episode! This week, Ben has his first kiss, and unfortunately it’s not with Amy.Sam – https://twitter.com/posistress Jordan – https://twitter.com/BradypusRex

I can’t stop crying! We did it, kids! Two episodes! This week we watch S01E02, titled “You Are My Everything” which is weird because nobody actually says that in the episode. Not even the wretched Ben Boykewich would do that. I mean, he and Amy have only been on one date! He probably will after the second. This week, the competition is heating up for World’s Number One Ham Dad. Fear the quickening.Sam – https://twitter.com/posistress Jordan – https://twitter.com/BradypusRex